Sunday, August 12, 2007
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here I am from the front, my hair is all messy and the shirt doesnt help me look as skinny as I am. I have been losing weight on my sides and well you can't really tell. When I first found out I was pregnant at 1 month and 2 days along, I weighed 248.9 and the last doctor visit (the last 2 visit- 4 weeks apart- i was the same for them both) i was 225.6. I have lost so much wieght but gained so much baby.

I am not 5 months along... I only have 4 1/2 months left to go. I am half way there! Yeah for me.. I am so glad about that though because I am getting tired of waiting for our daughter to show up.


Here is the side view of my belly.. now you have to remember that most of it is my regular fatty fat and isn't the baby, though I am starting to round out more.. and show some.. you can tell more towards the upper abs that I'm rounding out but the underbelly is just fat. Oh wells. I am working on that. I look like I am suprised and I was because My husband just insulted me as he took the picture! I had to laugh at him though. He called me his fat preegnant cow and so thus the look and then I threw a pillow at him and it was a fun moment.

Anyways I wanted to post this so my mom and siblings could see.. not sure many others care about it.. but hey.. thought I'd share.

Have a great day.!

Joy.
 
posted by Joy at 12:56 PM | Permalink | 0 comments
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
In everything with prayer and supplication...
I need to say things because they are going through my mind a mile a minute and I know that this is a very touchy situation for some involved in the situation but I need to get my thoughts out because everything I say is being taken the wrong way.

I have been thinking about dating and what it means alot latetly, not for myself since i'm married, but for my sister. I feel bad for her because so far her choices in that department have been very poorly made. Let me describe my sister because she reminds me alot of my aunt becky in some areas. Firstly she is a very sweet and generous woman and always giving. She is kinda shy around guys and has a very very low self esteem about herself always and she feeds it by thinking and dwelling on those thoughts that keep that self esteem low. She compares herself to others and what they are doing (having boyfriends and in my case a husband) and then wanting to have that kind of relationship as well. Which isn't bad if it wasn't something that only makes her self esteem go lower. Secondly she is a little overwieght and so she dwells on that and her looks (which I personaly think she is very pretty and she has a beautiful smile and I wish i had her nose) and so when someone who is her family (me) or any of her friends try to tell her that she is very pretty, she just thinks that we have to say that and that we have to think that. Which sorry, but I don't have to say that and I don't have to think that, I have a mind of my own and I do think and say things that I truly do feel and think. I don't sugar coat things to anyone. When my husband asks me if what he is wearing looks stupid I am honest and if it is then I say, darling.. go change that looks stupid on you and he will either go change or go looking stupid. Either way I dont' sugar coat things and I hate when people sugar coat things for me... so i dont' do it for them.

Because of her low self esteem I can see how guys who are a little (if not more) off thier rocker love to go after her. All they have to do is give her a compliment or two and make it seem as if they are the only ones in the world that think that and that they are so special because they think she is beautiful and tell her so that she should be willing to date them. She can so easily be the person that gets into a very verbal mental abuse situation in dating. She is the perfect target because she doestn' stand up for herself when it comes to her looks and she values what guys think soo much, that if a guy were to tell her, after getting her to like him, that she wasnt' that pretty, it would devestate her. Hurt her. In this, she is alot like my aunt. I am afraid that she would also like my aunt, do things to try to please the man she is dating and i'm not saying sexually, but changing things of who she is to try to please this man (whoever she dates).

Personally I think that Dayna could do better then the current guy she has chosen to like but i can't really tell her not to persue him because first of all I don't know him too well and I have no say in who she dates or doesnt' date and secondly because if I outright said.. don't date this guy because of blah.. she would date him just to prove me wrong, regardless if she wasnt' going to date him or not.

I worry for her because although she prays about things, she does have a tendency to let her emotions tell her what she wants them to say to her to do. I just worry that she is praying about dating this guy and as she has feelings she is like.. well i guess God wants me to date him because i have these feelings. I don't know if she realizes that feelings can be that of lust or want or something that you can feed yourself into having and fooling yourself into believing is God's will. The only way you can tell if the feelings you are having are from God is through daily devotions. No matter where you are at in the bible, when you are praying for something specific God will show and direct you in your reading what he wants you to know.That is why the holy spirit indwells in the believer, to help guide and open the eyes of those that are reading his word to know what He is saying.

My sister was upset that I wanted her to read the bible and get scripture for what she should do, but in all situations that is big you should be praying and seeking God and by seeking God and knowing what he is saying you have to read the bible. God doesn't give you "feelings" as an answer to what you pray about because our own feelings can be very decieving.

My sister thinks that I don't want her to ever get married and that is so not true. I want her to know what a godly relationship with a man is like. Its wonderful to have God center in your life and then have a man come along and help lead you towards God and the things of God and to pray with you and someone that you can talk to about God and grow together as you both seek God. I want to know the kind of love that a man of God can give a woman but I dont' want her to settle for any man that comes along giving her compliments and making her "feel" special. Because in every relationship the "feelings" change and grow and mature and sometimes they grow apart, specially if you are not equally yoked. By that I mean if you are not on the same maturity level, not on the same page in life (with wants and desires and growth) and if you are not both saved.

I made it a very intersting thing in my life to watch and observe people and to learn from others mistakes. I know more then people think I do because I have made it something of high priority in my life to observe them and see how things work. I know for a fact that if you marry someone that is of a different maturity level that things wont' work out.. both are expecting things that the other just can't met.

I love my sister and if she wants to date this guy then I'm for it as long as she can show me where God is directing her to date him, if she does that then I wont' oppose it at all. I am not opposed to her dating at all, I just want to make sure that she is doing what God wants her to do.

I do think that the biggest concern for me about this guys isn't the fact that he is 50 and she is only 22 or the fact that he is black and she is white, I think the fact that he has been married and claims to be saved is a huge issue. If he and his wife were both saved then there should have been no divorce, because in a relationship that God is center, the people do not grow apart but grow closer together. And in any divorce the cause isnt' just one sided there are two sides to it. I also am a little concerned that she would end up being the step mom of his three kids all of who are older then her... and I would hate to have her struggle with that as well as what others are going to do and say to her. She will have a very hard time with this man, not because of him but because of how society is going to treat them both. First she looks like she is 15 and he looks his age.. so people are going to treat him alike a pedopiler and that isn't good and then if they do know how old she is they are going to think she is a gold digger. I know that people that know her wont' think that.. at least not where she would find out, but people would think that.

I don't know if she realizes that if she does marry this guy that he wont' be around very long, its a fact that most black men/women dont' live as long as white men/women. And the fact that he is in his later years would only be more added responceabilty. I dont' know if she realizes that she would have to be able to support herself and him finacially as well as take care of him when he is sick and in and out of the hosptial and as his body shuts down. She will be a very young widow and I would hate to see that happen. I do want her to be married but I dont' want her to be widows by the time she is 30!or at the latest 40.

My sister thinks that I'm agianst her being happy and making her own decisions but that isn't the case. I want her to make decisions and she said that she has been learning from her past mistakes yet so far she hasn't proved to me that she has. She makes alot of the same mistakes and its scary because they are big mistakes. I am going to stay out of this though.. because if she shows me that God wants her to marry this guy/date this guy(because dating should and usually does lead to marriage) then I won't say anything about it and I'll be happy for her. But in the same situation as my friend Faythe, I will be happy for her happiness but I won't approve of her choice. My friend Faythe married a man that mentally abuses her and I can't stand him, but i love Faythe and so I encourage her. I dont' visit her much though because of her husband and how he is. I will be happy for Day if she gets married to this man if it makes her happy and if she is doing what she believes is the Will of God, but if she wants me to accept him as my brother then she has alot of convincing to do as well as him to make me see that he is good for her in the long run.

I know that sounds mean and hateful but its not. I only want what is best for Dayna and I dont' think this man is it. I think she can do alot better. My biggest concern is that she says he is saved but doesn't know his testamony, has never had him tell her when and how he got saved. Just because he lives like he is saved doesn't mean you are...I know many that act like they are saved and then later you find out that they weren't and that they are lost like everyone else. Dayna isn't a good observer of people and wouldn't know the difference of someone pretending to be saved and someone that is saved. The best way to know is to ask and she hasn't asked him yet. I know she wants to have a relationship with a man that is saved so this is a huge concern for me... that she hasnt' even asked him, just assumes that he is. That is scary to me.

I must seem like the meanest sister alive because I want the best for my sister and want her to see that she needs to look at things outside the box... outside of the situation she is in. I did that when I was dating Chris.> i steped back and put my feelings aside and prayed and read the bible to determine if he was the one I was to marry, because my feelings have fooled me in the past and i couldn't trust them. And I am glad that i did that because I know now for 100% fact that this is the man that God wants me with and I am so glad because he is perfect for me.. we help eachother and he has the personality and marturity level that is right with mine.

I'll get off my soap box now and just give this all to God.. I have been praying about this and that God will show my sister one way or another about this situation and that he will give me a peace about whichever decision is made so that she knows that I am supporting her and not trying to ride her and get on her case.

~ever praying for my sister~
~Joy~
 
posted by Joy at 7:21 AM | Permalink | 1 comments
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Gods wonderful grace shown

I am so blessed to be married to my wonderful husband and to have the whole month to visit my best friend. However, the visit is coming to a close next week and I shall miss her once she goes back up to teach in Illinois.

We are fully moved into our apartment, just need to finish unpacking a few boxes that I can't get to at the moment.

Chris had a trechia biopsy and is doing so much better. I am totally amazed at the specialist that we went to have this done and he was just so sweet. We went on Friday and he got in and they let me go back with him until they sedated him, then I went to the waiting room. I had a book and expected to spend a couple of hours just reading untill they came for me. However, about 15 minutes after going back into the waiting room, a nurse came to tell me that they had started and that Chris was doing great. About 10 minutes later they took me into the operating room where they had him so that the Doctor could show me live what they saw down his trechia (wind pipe) and to explain things to me.. it was rather neat to be able to see inside my husbands throat and see what they were goign to do. I then went back to the waiting room while they lasered off some scar tissue to help open up his wind pipe more so he can get more air in and out.

It wasn't more then 20 minutes later that another nurse came to tell me that they were doing well and then a few more nurses came in to tell me that he was doing fine within a span of 40 minutes and finally one came to tell me that they finshed the biopsy and were sending the tissue down to get analyized and to let me know that they were about done with him and were going to let him wake up. I then waited another 10 or so minutes when another nurse came and took me back to where Chris was waking up. A nurse stayed to make sure he was alright before discharging him and she even gave us a free parking pass so that we can leave without having to pay anything. I thought that was very sweet of her.

The doctor had came and talked to us and was sooo wonderful telling us everything and giving us all the options. Which are really not that bad. If what he has done lasts for more then a couple of years then we will do this agian if the scar tissue reforms, if the scar tissue reforms within a few months then we will have to choose between a very invasive surgery or a non invasive surgery, but either way it would be a lengthly recovery and very painful for him.

Chris is doing great and they didn't find anything on the scar tissue to be of any concern.. it was just scar tissue and not something else that could possibly be of more concern. God is so good to us. I had been and continue to, pray for Chris and his breathing. I am so glad that they opened his airway from 4 millimeters to 12 millimeters and he is doing soo much better. Normally the airways are around 20 millimetters and if he was an olympic athelete then this wouldn't be enough for him but since he is not, this is something that the doctor feels can help him out tremindously.

God is great in his timing though. When we first got married we didn't have health insurance and a month after getting it I got pregnant (not planned by us) and he started having some breathing problems agian... so we went and got him looked at and this is the result. I am so glad that he is doing well. The doctor thinks that he had always had this scar tissue from when he was premie because of the tubes they stuck in him as a young babe. And this is something he always struggled with but only recently did it get worse and more noticable.

Anyways we are just praising God for the wonderful grace he has shown us in this situation. :D

~Joy and Chris and little Reyna (on the way)~
 
posted by Joy at 11:53 AM | Permalink | 0 comments